Your friendly neighbourhood guide to help you in dealing with narcissists. 🫡
Ahaa, narcissism. The personality trait that makes Michelangelo look like a humble pottery enthusiast. We all know a narcissist (or ten), those charming, self-absorbed lads who could turn a conversation about your achievements into a three-hour monologue about their little to no achievements lol, because lets be real where is that self-absorbed attitude going to get them anyway? 🤷🏻♀️
But before we get lost in the mesmerizing vortex of their self-love, let’s get under the skin of this fascinating, yet slightly terrifying, personality type. Buckle up, darlings, because we’re about to embark on a journey through the wonderland of “me, myself, and I.”
Signs You’re Sharing Oxygen with a Narcissist:
- Compliment Kryptonite: Try complimenting a narcissist. You’ll witness a scene straight out of a superhero movie – their confidence skyrockets, their smile falters, and they might even deflect it with a backhanded compliment like, “Oh, this old thing? It’s nothing compared to your… *checks notes* ability to breathe.”
- The One-Man (or Woman) Standup: Conversations with a narcissist are like watching a captivating performance by a single, very enthusiastic actor. Attempts to interject will be met with blank stares, coughing fits, or something which will make you question every second of your mere existence (because clearly, the world needs to be saved from the tragedy of not hearing their every thought).
- The Trophy Case of “Friends”: Narcissists collect “friends” like those cricket cards that kids used to collect back in the day. But these friendships are more transactional than Target on Black Friday. They want people who admire them, not actual friends. The only reason they even make “friends” with you is because they crave sympathy and validation and you are their endless supply of just that. So, if you find yourself constantly praising their every move, you might be a prized possession in their ever-growing collection of human admirers.
How to Deal (or Not Deal) with a Narcissist:
- The Grey Rock Method: Become the most boring rock they’ve ever came across. One-word responses, dry conversations, zero eye contact, and a complete lack of interest in their fascinating stories. They’ll eventually move on to greener gardens (ones with a built-in audience).
- The Uno Reverse Card: They dig out praises and compliments for themselves? Flip the script! Shower them with praise about your own achievements. Watch as they squirm, their self-validation drains and dies.
- The Empathy Escape Route: Remember, narcissists lack empathy. Trying to reason with them is like trying to teach a goldfish calculus. Sometimes, the best defence is a good retreat. Excuse yourself with a dramatic flourish (“Alas, duty calls! I must save a baby panda from a runaway unicycle!”) and leave them to their own company (since they love themselves that much so why not haha).
The Takeaway:
Narcissists can be exhausting, but hey, at least they provide endless entertainment (albeit unintentional). Remember, you don’t have to be their captive audience. Use these tips, laugh a little, and don’t let their self-importance steal your sunshine.
And hey, if all else fails, just take solace in the fact that one day, they might finally realize that the most captivating person in the room is… you (cue dramatic music, breeze of air and a hair flip). Now that’s a reflection worth cherishing!